Friday, August 8, 2008

Dylan Holds a Press Conference

I have called this press conference today to make an exciting annoucement. I, Dylan Cass DiMartino, have decided to run for President of the United States of America!





I am going to run on an independent ticket, and give you a run down of my campaign. I have been able to secure funds by gaining edorsement from some very important corporations.




This does not mean that I can be swayed from my core beleifs.


Since the day I was born I have dreamed about leading this great country and being remembered as a great leader!







I will take a few questions before I hit the campaign trail.


Katie Couric: Where do you stand on the issues?

Dylan: That is the beauty of this campaign because I can't stand at all.....as a matter of fact, I can't walk or even crawl. I have, however, rolled over on several occasions!


Barbara Walters: "If elected, have you chosen a Cabinet?"

Dylan: Yes I have, please see below.




Reporter from New York Times: "How do you intend to combat global warming?"

Dylan: This is a simple problem, with a simple solution. If people used less water, the world would be a better place. That's why I recommend, sharing baths. I practice what I preach!






Chris Hansen Dateline NBC: "What about border security?"
Dylan: I would defend this country with my bare hands if I had to!



"Back away from my border!"

Ted Coppel: "What do you intend to do about the economy?"

Dylan: My economic plan is complicated but basically involves being a "good boy" and people tend to loosen up their spending.





Sun Sentinal Reporter: "What would you do if a bill lands on your desk that you don't agree with?"

Dylan:




VETO!!


Ok, that is all for the questions. Let me assure you that I don't have any skeletons in my closet and I can prove it.


There will not be any scandals with women (ewwww, girls are gross) and there will ceratainly not be a "FormulaGate"







I will leave you with a couple of publicity photos.






Time to go, I'm all strapped in and ready to hit the campaign trail!!


(this message was approved by Dylan)









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